Why “I should handle this myself” and “will this even work?” appear just as you’re about to reach out, and how to take a gentle first step.
You’ve read the posts. You’ve saved a few. You may even have opened the contact page, typed half a message, and closed it again.
If that sounds familiar, it’s more common than you may realise. One of my clients told me she’d been reading my posts for six months before she found the courage to get in touch. That wasn’t a lack of interest. It was hesitation, and hesitation tends to arrive with a very convincing voice.
In this post, I’ll look at the thoughts that tend to appear before reaching out for support, what may be sitting beneath each one, what the research says, and how to tell when someone is the right person to talk to. You don’t have to do anything with it. You might simply recognise yourself.
You’re Not the Only One Who Waits
Hesitation is built into how many of us approach help, and the research shows how widespread it is.
Studies in the US and Australia have found that many people wait years, sometimes more than a decade, before first seeking support for anxiety. And in a large World Health Organization survey across 24 countries, the most common barrier among people who felt they needed help was wanting to handle it alone. I’ve put the details in the Interesting Research section at the end of this post.
In other words, “I should be able to handle this on my own” isn’t a personal failing. It’s the most common thing people tell themselves.
The Voices That Show Up Before You Reach Out
Here are some of the thoughts I hear most, and what may be underneath each one.
“I feel silly raising this.”
What may be beneath it: shame, and a quiet belief that your difficulty isn’t serious enough to deserve support. It can show up as comparing yourself with people who seem to have it harder, or telling yourself you’re overreacting.
The research points the same way. Studies on help-seeking keep finding that worries about being judged or labelled get in the way. And in the World Health Organization survey, the most common reason people didn’t start treatment at all was a feeling that their difficulty wasn’t serious enough, particularly when it was milder. You don’t need to be in crisis to deserve support.
“I should be able to handle this on my own.”
What may be beneath it: a belief learned early that coping alone is what capable people do, and that needing help means falling short. For many achievement-oriented women, being the one who copes has been part of their identity for a very long time, and asking for support can feel like giving something up.
As the World Health Organization survey found, wanting to handle things alone is the most common barrier of all. It’s also worth noticing that the belief tends to be loudest in the people who have been coping for the longest.
“What will my friends or my partner think?”
What may be beneath it: a fear of being judged, criticised or seen differently, the same fear that can lead us to give another reason for staying home or cancelling plans.
Here are two pieces of research I find comforting. Psychologists call the first the spotlight effect: we feel far more watched than we are. In a well-known experiment, people wearing an embarrassing T-shirt guessed that many more people had noticed it than really had. The second is that we tend to underestimate how willing others are to help when we ask, and more recent work suggests that asking in person works better than we expect.
These studies looked at everyday situations, not therapy, so they can’t tell you how your friends or partner will react. A recent review also adds a nuance: it’s often our own beliefs about asking for help, more than what we imagine society thinks, that hold us back. That’s worth getting gently curious about.
“This is woo woo. It won’t work. It’s a gimmick.”
What may be beneath it: often, a healthy and protective scepticism, which is a good thing to bring. Sometimes it also carries a quieter fear: of hoping, trying something, and being disappointed again.
Doubt about whether treatment will work is a real factor. In the World Health Organization survey, it was the most common reason people stopped treatment. So it’s worth taking seriously, not pushing down.
What does the science say about hypnosis? Researchers at Stanford scanned people’s brains at rest, while recalling a memory, and during hypnosis. In people who respond strongly to hypnosis, they found measurable changes in the brain areas linked with attention, awareness and the connection between brain and body. So hypnosis isn’t just imagination. It’s a real, measurable state.
A review of 17 trials also found that hypnosis reduced anxiety more than control conditions did, and that it worked better alongside cognitive behavioural therapy, although the quality of the studies varies. I should be clear about the limits, though. That research is about hypnosis in general, not RTT, which as a branded method hasn’t been tested in large independent trials. So it’s reasonable to ask questions, and a good practitioner will welcome them.
“I’ll get in touch when the timing’s better.”
What may be beneath it: sometimes a real practical limit, and sometimes the hope of a perfect moment that never quite arrives.
Timing is one of the most understandable reasons to wait. After Christmas, once the summer is over, when the children go back to school or leave for university, when work quietens down: these can all be genuine reasons. Support does ask for something, even if it’s only an hour or two that’s yours, and for many of us that’s hard to find. If you’re caring for others, running a business or holding down a demanding job, a free hour may be the first thing to go.
Here’s the part I’d gently point out. Not being able to find an hour or two for yourself at any point in the year can be part of what keeps stress high in the first place. When every quiet moment is already spoken for, there’s no room to recover, and the pressure builds. So it can help to ask, not ’when will things calm down?’, but ’has there ever been a point when they have?’ If the calm moment keeps moving further away, it may be telling you something about how much you’re carrying, rather than being a reason to wait.
It can also help to ask yourself, ’What would need to be different for the timing to feel right, and is that realistically going to happen?’ If the answer is yes, and soon, choosing a date is a sensible plan. If the answer is ’not really’, then the waiting itself may be part of the pattern.
A few practical thoughts. Online sessions can fit around school runs, time zones and working days, and a first call is just a conversation, so you don’t need to find a whole afternoon to begin. And fresh-start moments such as January, September or the weeks after a big event can be a good point to begin, as long as the date you choose is one you’ll keep.
“What if I’m not ready?”
What may be beneath it: waiting for certainty. Many of us believe we should feel confident and clear before we take a step, when it’s often the step that creates the confidence.
Readiness tends to arrive after the first step, not before it.
“What if it brings up things I don’t want to talk about?”
What may be beneath it: a fear of vulnerability, and of being overwhelmed. It’s a very understandable one. A good practitioner will let you set the pace, and you decide how much to share.
“What if I’m the exception, and it doesn’t work for me?”
What may be beneath it: past disappointment, and sometimes a belief that you’re harder to help than other people. This one is worth saying aloud on a first call, because a good practitioner will be honest with you about what is and isn’t likely to help.
Six Months of Reading Before Reaching Out
The client I mentioned at the start was in her late 40s, and her difficulty was about love. She had no shortage of attention, but she was tired, and afraid of being hurt again and again. She tended to fall in love too hard and too soon, and to give a great deal. She poured her attention into the man in front of her and matched whatever he wanted, while her own wants and needs went unspoken, often even to herself.
Talking about something so personal felt very vulnerable, and that’s a large part of why she waited six months. Over our six weeks together, something shifted. She told me afterwards that she’d had to retrain herself to behave in a way that went against much of what she’d been taught, told and assumed. What she noticed was a self-confidence that seemed to come from the inside out, and a new sense of savvy about how to approach dating again.
What stayed with me was what she said about the waiting. That hesitation had been holding her back. She’d needed what was on the other side of it for a long time.
This is one client’s experience, shared with identifying details left out. It isn’t a promise of any particular result, and outcomes vary.
The Right Person Won’t Make You Feel Judged
One thing I’d like you to take from this post is that the right person will never make you feel judged. That matters for more than comfort. A large review of nearly 300 studies, covering more than 30,000 people, found that the strength of the bond between client and practitioner was consistently linked with better outcomes, across different approaches. The relationship isn’t a bonus. It’s part of how change happens.
So a first call isn’t only about whether you like the approach. It’s also a chance to notice how it feels to talk to this person.
Signs it may be a good fit
They listen without hurrying you, and let you finish.
They explain how they work in plain language, and answer your questions, including the sceptical ones.
They’re honest about limits, and about when other support, such as your GP, might be right too.
There are no guarantees, countdowns or pressure to decide on the call.
You come away feeling more like yourself, not smaller.
Signs to pause
You feel judged, dismissed or rushed.
Your concerns are brushed aside, or called silly.
You feel pushed to book, or told the offer will disappear.
Big promises are made about results.
If you notice any of these on a first call, that’s your cue. You can simply say, ’Thank you so much for your time, I’m going to think about it’, and end the call. You don’t have to explain or justify. Trusting your reaction is part of looking after yourself, and it is no reflection on you.
Gentle Ways to Take a First Step
1. Name the Voice
Try noticing it as a voice, not a fact: ’There’s the “I should handle this myself” voice again.’ Naming it takes a little of its power away.
2. Lower the Bar
You’re not committing to anything by sending a message or booking a first call. It’s a conversation, to see whether it feels like a good fit. You can say no afterwards.
3. Write Down Your Questions
This is especially helpful for the sceptical voice. What would you like to know about how it works, what the evidence is, how long it takes, and what happens if it isn’t right for you? A good practitioner will be glad you asked.
4. Tell One Safe Person
You don’t have to tell everyone. Telling one person you trust that you’re thinking about reaching out can make it feel more real, and, as the research suggests, they may well be more willing to help than you expect.
5. Decide What Would Make It a No
It can ease the pressure to decide beforehand what would tell you it isn’t right, such as feeling rushed or judged. Then you know you can leave at any point.
6. Set a Deadline for the Message, Not the Decision
Instead of ’I’ll decide by Friday’, try ’I’ll send one message by Friday’. Sending a message isn’t the same as deciding.
How RTT Hypnotherapy Can Help
The hesitation itself is something RTT hypnotherapy works with. In a relaxed, focused state, the critical part of the mind softens, so we can look at beliefs like ’I should cope on my own’ or ’I’m too much’, and trace them back to where they formed. We update them at the source, and you receive a personalised hypnosis recording to listen to between sessions. Many clients notice a shift within days, with fuller change over the following month, although outcomes vary. RTT isn’t a substitute for treatment of severe mental illness or acute crisis.
If You Need Support Right Now
If things feel very heavy, or you have thoughts of harming yourself, please contact your GP, your local crisis service or emergency number straight away, rather than waiting for a first call with me. You deserve support now.
And if you’d like to talk about whether RTT could suit you, I’d love to hear from you. Book a free first call, and we can talk through what’s going on and answer any questions. There’s no pressure to decide anything, and if it doesn’t feel right, that’s completely fine.
Maria x
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel nervous about contacting a therapist or hypnotherapist?
Yes, very. Research shows that many people wait years before seeking help, and that wanting to handle things alone is the most common barrier among those who feel they need support. Nervousness doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision.
What if I don’t think my problem is serious enough?
You don’t need to be in crisis to ask for support. A low sense of need is the most common reason people don’t start treatment, and it’s often a sign of shame or minimising. If something is affecting how you feel, it’s reasonable to talk about it.
What happens on a first call?
It’s a conversation, with no obligation. You can share as much or as little as you like, ask any questions, and see how it feels to talk to me. If it isn’t the right fit, that’s completely fine.
How do I know if someone is the right person for me?
Notice how you feel when you talk to them. The research on the therapeutic relationship suggests that a good bond with your practitioner matters. You should feel listened to and unhurried, with honest answers to your questions and no pressure. If you feel judged, you can thank them for their time and look elsewhere.
Learn More about RTT Hypnotherapy
You Might also Like These Blogs
The Difference Between Talk Therapy and Hypnotherapy
The Benefits of RTT Hypnotherapy
What Your Triggers Are Asking You to Pay Attention To
I’m Maria — a Clinical RTT Hypnotherapist and Confidence Coach working online with professional women worldwide. I combine Rapid Transformational Therapy with trauma-informed coaching and nervous system regulation, going directly to the subconscious root of self-doubt, anxiety and the patterns that keep brilliant women stuck.
If something in this post resonated, a first call is a relaxed, no-obligation conversation about where you are and whether this work is the right fit.
You know what you want to change, so why does doing it still feel uncomfortable? A warm, practical look at familiar reactions, feeling the fear, and taking a step forward without pushing yourself too hard.